A Bittersweet Ending

Thursday night, J's high school team played their final regular season game.  It was against their cross town rivals and I'm happy to be able to report that they won, 4-1.  They had a tough season, ending with a record of 5 wins and 17 losses.  Throughout the season the team as a whole worked hard to improve and come together as a true team.  I'm glad that they got to end their season on a high note.

As I sat watching Thursday's game, there were a lot of emotions bubbling inside.  J's high school baseball years have been an experience that is hard to put into words.  In fact, I've avoided doing so except to all but our closest friends(I just know Coach C is rolling his eyes reading this because he's been my sounding board throughout it all!) because I knew it was important to try and maintain a positive attitude.  Now that his high school career is finished, I feel the need to share my thoughts.  However, those thoughts are somewhat different than I expected.

J's four years in high school baseball have been a learning experience.  Things didn't always go the way he hoped and certainly not the way I had hoped when he was a freshman, looking forward to the next step in his baseball journey.  I suppose I had naively hoped that J's talent, skill, and love of the game would magically make everything fall into place for him and that he would immediately become an integral part of the team. And it did and he was, but not quite the way I had envisioned and not right away. As a freshman, he paid his dues on the bench for the majority of the season, as he should have.  He made the most of each inning he got on the field and when he wasn't on the field his was the loudest voice in the dugout, cheering his teammates on.  As a sophomore, he was confident that he would make varsity.  At that point, he had a summer and a fall season with TP under his belt and Coach C had become both mentor and friend.  He came home from the first day of practice crushed that he had been left on JV while the majority of his teammates had been taken to varsity.  I admit to being furious at what I considered the unjustness of the situation.  Yet J made his peace with the situation quickly and determined to have the best season he could.  He went out and gave his all at every practice and game.  As one of the few sophomores on JV he played the majority of the season and played well.  As a junior, he made the varsity team and once again found himself on the bench.  Here's where things really started to get frustrating for me because I could see how the team was doing and it wasn't great.  I had a hard time understanding why J and others like him were left to sit while the same kids played every game with the same dismal results.  Coach C was truly a rock for me, always lending me an ear to vent my frustrations to and  talking me down when the anger became almost more than I could bear. He assured me J would get his due and that I wouldn't be doing him any favors if I expressed my anger.  I bit my tongue and once again J made the best of things, never wavering in his support of his team.  The first glimmer that J was important to the team came at that season's banquet when his teammates voted him as the recipient of the 110% award.

During those first three years, in addition to being frustrated over J's situation I was also dealing with my own feelings of being an outcast.  I didn't feel a sense of camaraderie with the other parents and often times felt very self conscious sitting at games.   I offered numerous times to help out with the team and was always shot down.  There was definitely a clique and I wasn't part of it.  For someone who loves volunteering and being a team mom, that was a hard pill to swallow.  I cried more than once during those years, many times in private because I tried really hard to put on a positive face for J.  But he knew and did everything he could to keep my spirits, as well as his, up.  

When the time came for this season to begin, I was determined to stay positive no matter what happened and enjoy J's senior season.  I decided to once again offer my help, knowing that a lot of the parents who had helped in the past were now gone.  Once J made the team again, I offered my help to the head coach and he accepted my offer.  I ran the concession stand and was pleasantly surprised by the help and support I received from the other parents.  For the first time, I felt some of that camaraderie that I had been missing the previous years.   Not only were people willing to help in the concession stand, they responded positively to the team photo sharing site I set up, chatted with me at games, and volunteered their help in whatever way was needed.  I'm not sure what was different.  Maybe my outlook and determination to be positive changed things or maybe others had felt the way I had in years past and they also wanted to make the season better.  I'm just thankful for the change and can honestly say I have enjoyed getting to know everyone a little bit this year.

As for J, he had a season that made him happy.  He played nearly every inning and played well.  He continued to support his teammates in every way he could.  When he and I arrived at the field Thursday night, he stood looking out over the field with a wistful expression.  I asked him if he was okay and he said he was sadder than he thought he'd be that this chapter in his baseball career was ending, even though he knows that another chapter is ready to begin.  I feel much the same.  As I watched he and his teammates walk out to shake hands with the opposing team at the end of the game, the tears came.  While the past four years may not have been what we envisioned at the beginning, the end is very bittersweet.  These four years, bad moments, good moments, and everything in between, have helped mold J into the player he is today.  I wouldn't go back and change anything about them.  To do so would change the end result.  And J is right where he needs to be; where he is destined to be.  Whatever happens these next four years in college ball, the past four in high school ball will leave a lasting mark on J.

Reflecting on the Journey

I've been wanting to write this post for some time now, yet every time I sat down the words just wouldn't come.  Perhaps it just wasn't the time for it before now. I've had so many thoughts and emotions tumbling around in my head and heart for the past few days as I watched J's excitement over his success at achieving his goal to play college baseball.  I can't help reflecting on the journey that has brought him to this point.

The journey of course began when J was small and we signed him up for Little League.  My dad was his coach for 6 of his nine years of  Little League, laying the foundation for what would become a lifelong love of the sport.  J loved his Little League years for the most part, even the disappointments he faced.  And there were disappointments.  More times than once he was passed over for All Stars or told he just didn't have what it takes to be a star.  And while those disappointments hurt at the time, they ultimately fueled J's determination to never give up on his dream.  My heart broke for my boy every time he faced one of those disappointments; there were times when I was almost consumed by anger towards the people crushing his young heart.  But J just kept working and soon left Little League behind for high school ball, where I naively thought we would leave behind the politics and games of Little League.  If anything, it was worse and that anger turned to outright rage as once again J had to deal with disappointments and set backs.  There were many times I would have unleashed that rage on J's behalf yet he always asked me not to.  Hard as it was I bit my tongue and let J deal with the situation, taking solace in his winning attitude, no matter the circumstances.  Coach C was a huge help, allowing me to vent my frustrations as often as I needed, and reassuring me that everything would be okay.  Speaking of Coach C, J's high school years led us to TP, which were the best years of J's baseball career to date.  Those two summer seasons with Coach C honed J into the player he is today.  And of course, for J and for all of us, the best thing we took away from TP is Coach C himself, who has truly become part of our family.   And now, J is on the threshold of the most exciting time in his baseball career yet, college ball.  Sitting in the coach's office Friday, listening to what he had to say about the program, his goals for the team, and what he expects from J was a little surreal.  I was so nervous it's a wonder I didn't topple right off the couch I was perched on.  And when the coach told J what scholarship amount he could offer him and asked if he wanted to be a part of Belmont Abbey baseball it took everything I had not to burst into tears.  Especially when before answering J looked at me, with every baseball dream he's ever had clearly visible in his eyes, waiting for my nod of approval.  I gladly gave him that approval, blinking back tears, as I watched and listened to my boy accept the opportunity he's worked a lifetime to have.

Officially A Crusader

As a parent,  I am always proud of my kids. But there are times when that pride fills me up to near bursting. Today was one of those times.  I posted a few months back about J having a college interested in having him play baseball for them next year.  He's emailed with the coach several times, but we hadn't heard anything definite back.  Until today.  It so happened that Belmont Abbey College was having an Open House this weekend.  So I decided to bring J up for a closer look at the school.  He notified the baseball coach we were coming and had the opportunity to meet with both the head and assistant coaches today.  And I am thrilled to announce that my J is now officially a Crusader, having verbally committed to attend Belmont Abbey and play baseball next year.  For those who have followed J's baseball journey on this blog, you know how much this means to us all. To say I am proud of him is not nearly an adequate enough expression for all I am feeling.  I am full to bursting.  With pride, joy, excitement, and even a little sadness, for the realization of J's dream will take him away from those who love him the most.  Yet the joy far outweighs the sadness.  For so long I've watched J working towards his dream, never wavering in his determination.  I've cried watching him suffer disappointments and set backs.  I've shared the thrill of his many successes.  And I've had the privilege to watch him grow from the tiny boy who wanted to be a baseball player into a young man who is a baseball player in his very soul.  Sitting in that coach's office today, I experienced one of my most joyful moments as a mother, watching J as he accepted the chance to live out his dream.  It's a moment that will stay with me forever.

More words from Coach C

In the weeks since my last post, a lot has happened for J.  He was accepted into Belmont Abbey College. BAC is the school that is interested in having J play for them next year.  In fact, we've progressed to the point that they are putting together a financial aid package for him.  He's thrilled to have this opportunity and is looking forward to hearing from the coach there soon.  In addition to being accepted at BAC and being offered the chance to play baseball there, J has also been accepted into Saint Leo University here in Florida. We're not sure yet if baseball will be a possibility there; we're waiting to hear from the coach.  In the coming weeks, J will have some big decisions to make regarding his college plans.  Which brings me to the point of this post.  Two years ago, I asked Coach C to do a guest post regarding his thoughts on J's training and progress.  If you missed that post the first time around, you can read it here: A Word From Coach C.  So much has been happening for J lately that I thought everyone would enjoy hearing from Coach C again.  He was all set to do another guest post when he sent us the letter of recommendation that he wrote for J.  He sent it to me via email, which I opened and read while sitting at dance class waiting for A.  It took approximately 15 seconds for the tears to start pouring.  As a parent, one of the things I hope for is for my children to be fortunate enough to have people in their lives who appreciate their gifts, support them in their dreams, and above all else, love and respect who they are.  When I read Coach C's letter, it only reinforced what I already knew, that J has all of those things in Coach C.  So instead of having him write another  guest post, I asked him if I could simply post the beautiful letter of recommendation he wrote for J.  He agreed, so I will let it speak for itself.  I omitted J and Coach C's full names for privacy.  Other than that, the letter is exactly as Coach C wrote it.

To Whom It May Concern:

            The dictionary defines the word superlative as being of the highest kind, quality, or order. Surpassing all others, and in doing so reigns supreme. I define the word superlative as J.M.: an ambitious young man of the highest kind, quality, and order. A person whose dedication to the betterment of humankind surpasses all others, and whose compassion for his life and the lives of those around him, reigns supreme.

            I first had the pleasure of meeting J when he tried out as a freshman for my travel baseball organization. As both a catcher and a corner infielder, I was thoroughly impressed with his arm strength, soft hands, and seemingly advanced knowledge of the game for someone of his age. First and foremost, J is one of the last of a dying breed: a true leader of his peers. His happy go lucky attitude and fierce playing style inspired his teammates on numerous occasions to push themselves to limits they never knew they could reach. He displayed a love of learning that was refreshing to me, and in him I saw much of myself at his age. From day one I was very excited with his unyielding drive to better not only himself, but also all those who surrounded him. At the plate he led a fairly young 16 and under team by example, constantly coming through when his team needed him the most.

Over the past few years I have come to view him as a young person with tremendous potential—a guaranteed future leader. His intellectual and scholastic success, coupled with his commitment to his team, masterful leadership abilities, creative drive, and unshakable will, form a foundation for future full of possibilities.

            However, while his accomplisments are outstanding to say the least, they pale in comparison to his most shining attribute: his awe-inspiring ability to inspire. From my experience with this exceptional young person, I have come to learn that J does not purely plan, but acts. Does not simply succeed, but excels. Does not solely enhance his own life, but enriches the lives of all he touches. To truly understand what makes this remarkable young man so successful, one must only look to the words of Mr. Mark Twain: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” J.M. is among these select few that we deem as great in our society, not merely because of his wide array of impressive accomplishments, but because he has been blessed with the capacity to inspire the ordinary to aspire to the extraordinary. He has been endowed with an unparalleled ability to make others feel through example that, they too, can become great: and in a world where it is quite easy to get caught up solely in the affairs of one’s self, this level of maturity is unrivaled and of incalculable value.

            If you have the opportunity to meet this incredible young man, please do so. I promise you will not regret it, because words simply cannot measure such an immeasurable degree of character. We owe this shining star all the support we can give, because the world deserves, desires, and desperately needs leaders of his kind, quality, and order. I assure you that your program emulates all the values that make him the remarkable young person he is today, and that in any tasks you require of him, he will reign supreme. With all this being said, I recommend to you, unconditionally, Mr. J.M. I know that he will make as large an impact on your lives as he has made on my own. Thank you for your time.

Best Regards,

Coach C

Head Coach Top Prospects 16u

When Little Boy Dreams Become A Young Man's Reality

I am sitting here with tears glistening in my eyes as I type this post.  I've had tears in my eyes for much of the past two days as I debated whether or not to write this post.  But since J has been sharing his news all over Instagram and Facebook I guess I can share it, too.  Just before Thanksgiving, J attended a camp at a small college located in North Carolina.  It's a college that had been on his list of possibles to apply to and he took the opportunity to tour the campus while there for the camp.  He really liked the school and felt it would be a good fit for him.  As always when he attends a camp, he hoped he had left the coaches with a positive impression of his abilities.  On Tuesday, he received an email that confirmed he had in fact, done just that. You see, my J, who has dreamed of baseball since he was a tiny boy, who has worked tirelessly over the past several years to make that dream a reality, has a college interested in having him play for them.  I saw the email first, since his email comes to my phone these days.  With all of the college info, camp info, etc it ensures that nothing gets missed.  My heart stopped when I read the email.  I had to read it several times just to make sure I was reading it correctly.  I immediately forwarded it to Coach C, who was as ecstatic as I was.  I couldn't wait for J to see it, so when I got off work mid day I drove to the high school and had him pulled out of PE class.  He came to the office, a little worried when he saw me.  I quickly assured him nothing was wrong and handed him my phone so he could read the email.  If someones face can actually explode with joy, J's did in the moment when he realized what he was looking at.  And then my almost grown up boy, the one who has become stingy with hugs in the past several years, enveloped me in the biggest bear hug I've ever received. He was laughing and crying all at once, so excited he could hardly stand still.   It's a moment I'll cherish forever, getting to be there when my baby was handed his most heartfelt dream.  However, there is still much work to be done.  While this coach is definitely interested, no offer has been made yet.  He states that he hopes to continue the recruiting process with J.  Luckily for J, Coach C already had plans to come to our house for dinner tonight.  He asked if J minded waiting to respond to the email until he could be here to help him write it.  J, of course, welcomed Coach C's input and they crafted and sent a response tonight.  So now we wait for the coach to respond and see where this will lead.

To say we're proud of J doesn't come close to describing the emotions we're all experiencing. Everyone, hubby, me, N, A, his grandparents, friends we've told, are so happy for him.  And of course, Coach C is as proud, maybe even more so, than we are.  He and J, and that special bond, always hit me right in the heart and that was certainly true tonight.  Watching them work on the email, talk about where J goes from here, and just seeing the sheer excitement they shared gave me more than one misty moment.  For this victory is as much Coach C's as it is J's, though he humbly gives J all the credit.  But we know J couldn't have made it this far without him. For so long we've worked and focused on getting J to this point, knowing that it was a long shot.  To have this opportunity present itself is tremendous.  As always, J is willing to keep working hard to prove himself worthy of the interest this coach has shown. Coach C has already laid out the next phase of his training, advised him on how to proceed with his upcoming school season, and most importantly of all, continues to believe in J and be his strongest supporter.  And what can I say about this all?  I'm filled with pride at everything J has accomplished.  He chose this path so long ago, and never let anything deter him.   Along the way there have been setbacks, people who told him he wasn't good enough or that making his dream a reality would be too hard.  He just kept working toward his goal, never losing sight of what he wanted.  And now, someone has laid his dream, like a gift, in his hands.  It's his for the taking and as a mother I am privileged to have been on this journey with him.  I'm overjoyed my baby got his moment, the moment when he realized that dreams can come true if you believe in yourself enough to make it happen.  As Coach C said to me, it's been J's drive, determination, blood, sweat, and tears that made this happen.  And we're damn proud of him for it.        

Top Ten Baseball Moments

J just finished his final fall baseball season.  He played tremendously well, finishing off his season with a batting average of .522.  It was a little sad knowing that he has one spring season left.  Hopefully after that it will be on to college ball, but we're still quite a ways from knowing how that will work out.  As always, being the overly sentimental mama that I am, I've been recalling a lot of moments from his nearly 14 years on the field.  I decided to share my top ten.

10.) J's excitement the first year he signed up for t-ball.  I can still picture him with holding his shiny new bat, his tiny glove, and the smile that never leaves his face when he's playing ball.

9.)  His first "home run" during the last game of his first t-ball season.  He smacked the ball to the fence and rounded the bases with all the speed his little five year old legs could muster.  Then he slid home, that smile growing even wider.

8.)  His second season in minor division Little League.  That season truly personified everything that youth baseball should be about.  We had a great little team with fantastic kids and parents and it will always be one of my favorites.

7.)  His excitement when he received a first baseman's mitt.  To him that meant he was really and truly a first baseman.  He used that glove from ages 9-14, when his hand finally outgrew it.  I have it put away in his keepsake box, never to be thrown away.  

6. )  In 2010, J attended a Baseball Factory try out and was selected to attend a national training camp in Cape Cod.  He was one of only 90 kids chosen and I think that is the year that the idea that he would make baseball his life's goal really took root.  It had always been there, but that camp clinched it.  I cried when I put him on the plane because I could see all the dreams in his eyes and I wanted so badly to help him make them a reality.

5.)  His first try out for the high school team as a freshman.  He was so nervous that the day they posted the list and his name was on it, he wasn't sure if that meant he had made it or been cut.  He called me from school to tell me his name was on the list and his voice was shaking with nerves and excitement.

4.)  The day he tried out for TP and met Coach C.  I couldn't foresee how it would turn out, but right from the start, I knew there was something special there.

3.)  His final tournament for TP when he hit a game changing line drive that spurred TP onto to their second championship.  I will never forget the smile on his face as he stood on first base with Coach K next to him.  I have a picture of it and it remains one of my favorite pictures from all his years in baseball.

2.)  During the above mentioned game, once he returned to the dug out, Coach C came over to the fence.  J was on the inside of the dug out, Coach C on the outside.  They put their hands up on the fence, palms together.  Coach C looked him in the eye and said, "Way to be clutch." They probably don't even remember it, but it made me cry then and still makes me get misty recalling it.  In that moment the love and respect they share as player, coach, and friends was stamped on both of their faces.  They'll laugh at me when they read this, but I don't care.  It was a moment I'll never forget.

1.)  The other day, J and I were in the car, discussing some opportunities he has coming up to further his chances of playing in college.  I asked him what he truly felt his chances were and this is what he said, as close as I can recall it, "I think I have as good a chance as anybody out there to play in college.  I've worked hard and will keep on working hard until I know I've done absolutely everything I can to make it happen.  I'm not finished playing yet and it's going to happen."

I have many more favorite moments, but these are the ones I treasure the most.  This year is flying by so fast and I am finding myself overwhelmed by sentiment and emotion.  I'll update soon on what J's up to these days but for now I'll just say he's one step closer to making the dream a reality.        

Hello!

It seems that a couple of months have managed to sneak by and it's suddenly November.  This school year is keeping us busier than usual, especially since I am now working part time as a pre-k 3 teacher at A and N's school.  I'm really enjoying my little class of 8 three year olds.  More on that in a future post I'm sure!  The kids are busy with all of the normal activities.  J just completed both his final swim season and his fall baseball season.  He's working on college applications and has some upcoming camps and showcases.  N is singing, playing piano, and staking gymnastics.  He's also student teaching for younger boys at gymnastics.  A continues to be our little twirling princess and gets sassier everyday.  I will be making a concentrated effort to get back to regular postings!  So stay tuned!